


Before I Die

by appleturnoversandstrudel



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Flashbacks, Food Restriction, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Magic, Magic Mirrors, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 22:46:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10055264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/appleturnoversandstrudel/pseuds/appleturnoversandstrudel
Summary: The final battle was over and Regina sentenced to death. "Look into my mirror, Emma" she begged. "Let me tell you my story, the best way I know how". Trigger warning for child abuse. Character death.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written fall 2013. Alternative start to season 2, based on Snape's death scene. I think Lana might have read this one.

It was finished. The final battle had ended. The White Kingdom had triumphed; good had defeated evil, and all was as it should be.

Trials had been held. Rumpelstiltskin and Regina had been convicted of crimes against humanity. Each awaited their execution in jail cells, isolated both from the world and each other. There were no visitors. Why should there be? They had been responsible for orchestrating the entire thirty-some-odd year affair. After all the dust had settled, people were able to see them for who they truly were: pure and unadulterated evil.

Days passed, each dragging more slowly than the last. At sunrise, the prisoners were fed; at sunset the process was repeated. It was like clockwork. Their rations consisted of a crust of stale bread and a cup of water; merely enough to ensure that they wouldn't die of starvation before their highly awaited executions. The people of the White Kingdom did not wish to have that satisfaction stolen from them.

Time went on. A date was set for the execution; just one more week to go. The people waited eagerly, overtaken by a frenzied excitement. They wanted blood, for the perpetrators to pay for their crimes, and soon, they would.

As the time passed, each prisoner took their fate differently. Rumpelstiltskin fought back, gobbling down his ration hungrily and taunting the guards who came to feed him. He wouldn't go down that easily. Regina, on the other hand, became completely withdrawn. She ate barely enough to stay alive. Why should she, really? Henry had been taken from her. Her happy ending had been taken from her, again. Everything she loved was gone. Why should she give them the satisfaction of executing her as well? Quickly, she grew emaciated and weak. Most of her days were spent in slumber; her dreams alternating between nightmares of her torture, and hopeful dreams of it all finally ending soon and being able to see Daniel and her parents again.

Finally, that fateful day arrived. The sun rose, illuminating the dingy gray sky. Rumpelstiltskin and Regina were roused from their sleep for one last meal. Rumpelstiltskin inhaled his portion greedily. Regina refused hers. It was all pointless, really. Soon. Soon it would be over, and everything would end. Soon, no one would cast her as the villain. Soon, she could be with those she loved. Soon, she could finally have her happy ending.

The crust of bread lay abandoned on the floor, rats swarming around it and sniffing it curiously, as Regina sat curled up in a ball in the corner. She faced the window, wanting to see the sunrise one more time. She wanted to leave the world holding onto one last piece of happiness. If she was denied Henry, she could at least indulge in the beauty of a sunrise.

The sun rose slowly, transforming the sky from its dreary gray to a soft orange streaked with pinks, and finally to the brilliant blue shade only present in the early morning. It was finished. Her last sunrise. She would never see one again. Sighing, Regina turned toward the corner and closed her eyes. She fell asleep curled up in the fetal position; tossing and turning, dreaming fitfully of her fate.

Suddenly, she heard footsteps moving across the room. Boots, it sounded like, clacking across the hard floor. Surprised and still drowsy, Regina slowly opened her eyes and rubbed them, turning around to see who had come to see her.

Her eyes glided up the figure. Dark brown boots, black skinny jeans, and as soon as she saw that cherry red jacket, she knew. It was Emma. Regina took in the sight hungrily, even managing a wan smile.

She had known this day was coming, long before it was near. As soon as the curse broke, she knew that one day she would be sentenced to death for her deeds. By that point, she and Emma had reached a tenuous alliance, for Henry's sake. She knew Emma would listen. So, she wrote Emma a note. In her elegant script, she had written:

_Miss Swan,_

_One day, I will pay for what I have done. They will hold a trial and sentence me to death. Do not try to fight them. That will only result in punishment for you as well. Instead, come to visit me on the morning of my execution. Bring the mirror that I hid where I first welcomed you._

_Regina_

She had left the note on Emma's desk, neatly folded and addressed to _Emma Swan_ , after writing it, but she hadn't expected Emma to actually show up, assuming it was too much to hope for.

Emma cleared her throat, shifting her weight from foot to foot awkwardly. "Madam…Your Ma-…Regina," she finally decided was the proper address for the deposed monarch and politician. She stood there for a moment, observing Regina, who had shrunken both physically and in spirit, since the last time Emma had seen her. The old Regina would never have taken this without a fight. This Regina seemed older, weary, done with everything and ready to give up.

Regina pulled herself to her feet, a considerable effort due to her frailty, and leaned on the bars to support herself. "I don't have much time, Miss Swan," she rasped out, then coughed, bending over at the waist from the agony. "Did you bring what I asked you to?"

Emma held up the hand mirror in answer. Regina had hidden it in her study, where Regina had invited her in for a drink on her first night in Storybrooke. It had taken her a while to find, and considering that she knew exactly what Regina was talking about, she supposed that was a good thing. That meant no one else could have found it by accident, or worse, on purpose.

"Give it to me." The words sounded as if they physically pained Regina to produce, and Emma heeded her request, handing over the mirror. Regina took it, stroking the handle lovingly and managing a small, bitter smile before angling the face toward Emma.

"I know you must find me despicable. I have heard all the rumors floating around the town concerning my many heinous crimes, hypothetical or real. I will admit that I have done unthinkable things, horrible things. I have murdered in cold blood. I have separated families for no better reason than that I couldn't bear to see their happiness. I cursed an entire realm to decades of amnesia in small-town Maine. But, I wasn't always this way. There is a reason why I did everything I have done. Look into my mirror, Emma. Look as I tell you my story in the best way I know how." Regina's speech had cost her much, causing her to succumb to another coughing fit that almost knocked her to the ground. Forcing herself up, she regained her composure and concentrated the meager remains of her magic through the mirror. Emma hadn't noticed her lapse in appellation. Hopefully her attentive powers would be more focused when she saw what Regina had to show her.

A series of images started flashing across the reflective surface of the mirror; at first disjointed, then flowing together smoothly, like a movie.

* * *

_A sharp slap echoed through the room. Regina's cheek stung from the impact. She looked down briefly to blink away the tears brimming up in her young eyes before looking back up at her mother, who was severely displeased._

_"Again," she commanded coldly. Sighing, Regina picked up the heavy books scattered on the floor and piled them back on her head. She tried to cross the room, teetering unsteadily with the unnatural weight on her head, then curtsied clumsily. Regina had managed to keep the books stacked neatly for the duration of this entire performance; but it all fell apart at the curtsy, as it always did. They came crashing down noisily as Cora tutted, shaking her head in disapproval._

_"Oh Regina", she exclaimed, pure disappointment seeping through her words, as she looked harshly at the petite child. "How do you ever expect anyone to love you if you can't even act like a lady? Again." Regina tried to pick up the books, but her thin arms had grown tired from repetition._

_"Mama, I'm exhausted. We've been doing this for three hours. Can't we take a short break? Even ladies need food," she said hopefully, thinking her hunger may be enough to sway her mother. She was wrong._

_"Ladies do not stuff themselves like animals. They eat when they've earned it. And you, my darling, have not. Again." This time, Regina could not keep the tears out of her eyes as she reassembled the books. She would pay for that later, but for now, it was all she could do not to faint._

* * *

Emma stared at the image in shock before it dissolved away. How could Regina have hidden that she'd been abused for all these years? Sure; Cora hadn't seemed like a model mother from the start, but this was downright inhumane! Regina didn't say a word, just closed her eyes as she channeled another memory through the mirror.

* * *

_Regina was now a teenager, her long chestnut hair plaited down her back. She was wearing what appeared to be a riding uniform: robin's egg blue jacket with brown pants tucked into brown boots. The sun was shining brightly in the green pasture where she stood. It appeared to be a perfect day. The girl skipped across the field in a manner completely unbecoming to the lady her mother had wanted her to become before breaking into a run up the hill and straight into the arms of a young man also dressed in riding clothes. He picked her up and twirled her, plait flying behind her as she spun, and set her down, looking down at her face to see her sparkling eyes and warm smile._

_"Hi Daniel," she whispered, looking at him lovingly._

_"Hello, my love." Daniel returned the smile before leaning down to kiss her. Regina let her entire body melt into the kiss as she sank as far as she could into Daniel without melding their bodies. He wrapped his arms around her waist as she wrapped hers around his neck, in perfect harmony, as they continued this innocent expression of their love. Finally, they pulled away unwillingly, yet lack of oxygen forcing them apart to breathe._

_"I missed you," she said, smiling at him once more. Daniel took her hand and led her to a tree, where they sat, leaning their backs against the rough bark._

_"As did I, my dear. Your teatimes grow longer and longer every next week, it seems," Daniel teased good-naturedly, yet a question underscored the humor._

_"Yes, my mother sure does love her tea." Regina giggled nervously, playing with the end of her plait. As she did so, the sleeves of her riding jacket rode up, exposing some deep scratches and welts in her arm._

_Daniel's eyes widened. "Regina…what happened?"_

_"Oh, you know me; I'm such a klutz. Mother tried teaching me how to cook. That was a disaster. I spilled boiling water all over myself, isn't that ridiculous?" Regina laughed even more loudly to cover up her lie. Daniel's eyes narrowed in suspicion. Something wasn't right here, but he wasn't exactly sure what was going on._

_"Okay, Regina, but if someone, anyone, is hurting you, you come to me, and I'll straighten them out." He wrapped his arms around her, holding her and giving her a quick kiss. "Got it?"_

_"Yeah," Regina squeaked out. There was nothing he could do about her mother. "I love you so much, Daniel." She snuggled into his chest. Being here, with Daniel…it was the one truly happy part of her day, her life. "Hold me."_

_"I love you too, Regina. I'll always be here for you, my queen." Regina chuckled. It was his pet name for her; calling her the queen of his heart._

_"And I for you, my king," she promised solemnly, then smiled, leaning against his chest and enjoying the moment._

* * *

Apparently, Regina had been full of all sorts of secrets. Emma had no idea Regina had a boyfriend before being married to her grandfather. They seemed so happy together. She looked up at the spent brunette.

"Was he your true-" Regina held up her hand to interrupt Emma's question.

"No time, Emma. Keep watching." She said as she moved onto the next memory. This one hurt her most of all, but she pushed through it. A sudden stream of quick images suddenly assaulted Emma.

* * *

_A few years seemed to have passed from the last memory. Regina had just finished a riding lesson, and was stealing kisses from Daniel behind the stables._

_"Regina," her mother's voice called her, breaking her blissful respite. Regina looked alarmed, pulling away from Daniel as if he burned her._

_"Coming, Mother," she replied, running quickly toward the house. She didn't know what would happen to Daniel if they were caught. She also didn't know how she'd live without him. As she ran across the meadow, a young girl's shriek pierced her ears. A runaway horse was galloping across the field, and the girl seemed to be trapped on it. Without a second thought, Regina ran to the stables and leapt onto her own horse, spurring him on until she reached the girl and rescued her._

_"Are you okay?" She asked, touching the girl's face gently._

_"Yeah, thanks to you," The girl was still breathing hard from the shock. "You saved my life. What's your name?"_

_"Regina." She smiled kindly at the girl. "And you?"_

_"Snow. Snow White."_

* * *

"That was my mo-" Regina glared at Emma. "Keep watching, Miss Swan".

Emma watched as the king came and Cora accepted his proposal on Regina's behalf. Outraged, she opened her mouth to speak before Regina quickly shook her head no, silencing her. What was done was done, and fuming about it now would only waste time.

* * *

_The stable doors burst open as Regina ran inside. "Daniel, Daniel!" she yelled after her lover._

_"What is it, my love?" he asked, finding her quickly._

_"We have to leave. The king, proposed to me. Daniel, I can't leave you. I don't ever want to imagine a life without you. Marry me and let's run away and be together." Her eyes shined brightly at the proposal_

_"Regina, you could be queen! Life as the wife of a stable boy is a far cry from that," he warned, wanting only the best for her._

_"Being queen means nothing, Daniel. All I need is you," she replied passionately. Smiling, Daniel pulled a brass ring off a horse's bridle and placed it carefully around her finger, making her his betrothed._

_"I love you so much," she said, kissing him fervently. It was at that moment that young Snow appeared in the door. Shocked, she ran away without a word._

* * *

The next scene showed Cora standing in the stables next to Regina and Daniel. The older woman was hugging her, soothing her, encouraging her. Regina was beaming through happy tears as she thanked her mother for this chance. Suddenly, Cora plunged her arm into Daniel's chest and ripped out his heart, crushing it to dust before her eyes. Emma could only watch in horror as the girl tried vainly to save him, crying bitterly over the loss of her love. She watched as Regina yelled at her mother, seeing her start to break inside, like the first crack on a china doll.

More cracks appeared with the next few memories. Regina had gone to Rumpelstiltskin, desperate for a way to revive her lost lover. He had tricked her into believing it was impossible, driving her into dark magic. As Regina pulled out her first heart, Emma stood speechless at the transformation. Meanwhile, Regina wept silently, unseen by Emma, who was still engrossed in the mirror.

* * *

_Regina had been married to the king for ten years. As difficult as it had been at home, it was nothing like the bleak desolation she faced here. She was unwanted, rejected, alone; a mere replacement for a beloved wife long gone, and not a satisfactory one at that. No one paid her any mind. Even her so-called husband had taken to acknowledging her only in public, when forced by social convention. Regina had never known such loneliness in all her life. She had absolutely no one._

_Until, one day, a foreigner came to visit. Regina could sense that he was different, that he could help her. So, she turned on her charm; using her feminine wiles and beauty to woo him. He seemed like a very simple mind, but simple minds were the best tools for one plotting an escape. If a heart or two had to be broken in the process, so be it. Regina would finally be free._

_She fooled him into thinking she'd kill herself, then convinced him to kill her husband instead by setting the poisonous vipers on him in his sleep._

_The genie unleashed the enormous snakes upon the unsuspecting king. Soon, he turned an unsightly shade of blue as he asphyxiated and every last vestige of life slowly left his body._

* * *

Emma cringed. That last image was too gruesome to fathom. Regina had murdered her grandfather without a second thought. No, worse; it had been premeditated. She felt no remorse over it. Yet, in a gradually growing part of her, Emma sympathized with her. Regina had lost much because of him. This was her own twisted way of regaining control of her life. The image shifted once again, recapturing Emma's attention and allowing Regina to mourn losing the one she loved not once, but twice, in peace.

* * *

_Regina had corrupted herself beyond all redemption. She had begged Rumpelstiltskin for the dark curse, convinced it was the only way to exact vengeance on Snow White for everything she had done to her. He gave it to her, spouting some perfunctory warnings to which she paid little mind. She was too far gone to save. Soon, everything Snow loved would be taken from her, and Regina would have her happy ending reveling in Snow's sorrow._

_She burst through the chapel door, covered in black from head to toe._

_"Sorry I'm late," she said; her voice high and heartless. She looked around the hall at those gathered, then smirked in disgust._

* * *

Emma watched as her parents barely restrained themselves from killing her on their interrupted wedding day. She watched as Regina promised to take away everything they loved, then left in a cloud of purple smoke. She watched as Regina stuck her arm into her father's chest and killed him in order to guarantee that her curse would work.

She saw her mother panic throughout her pregnancy with her, falling so far as to consort with Rumpelstiltskin, who told her that she was carrying the savior. She saw the room that was intended to be her nursery swirl and break apart as the curse ravaged the land. She heard Regina's deranged, mirthless laugh as Snow sat over her husband's lifeless body in agony, a sound that chilled her to the bone. Finally, she saw Regina hold a baby, after eighteen years of unbroken solitude.

* * *

_"I think I'll name you…Henry Daniel, my precious baby boy," she said, bouncing him in her arms and smiling her first genuine smile in years._

* * *

The scene faded as the mirror returned to its shiny silver surface. Regina looked at Emma, eyes still glistening with her tears.

"I can only imagine what you think of me now. You must see me as a miserable wretch. You wouldn't be wrong Emma. I am wretched; rotten to the core. But, it wasn't of my own volition, Emma. Life made me this way. It twisted me and wrenched me and broke me, molding me into a distorted caricature of my former self. I became who I was after years of suffering through torture, abuse, desolation, hopelessness. And that, my dear, is the worst curse imaginable. Perhaps now, you might understand me a little better." Regina looked into Emma's eyes, searching out any trace of compassion that would lie within their green depths.

Emma looked at her, a mixture of pity and poorly disguised disgust mingling in her eyes, trying to process everything she'd just seen. Sighing, Regina turned away.

"That was all I had to offer, Miss Swan. If that won't convince you that I wasn't always this way, nothing will."

"Regina…" Emma began. It was so much to take in. Her head spun with a whirlwind of emotions. Regina had just given her the emotional rollercoaster of a lifetime. How could she expect her to react so quickly? Sure, Regina wasn't to blame for who she'd become, but she at least had to realize she was accountable for her actions after that point.

Regina shook her head. It was too much of her to expect for Emma to understand, let alone show compassion toward her. She slumped toward the ground, coughing again. Instantly, Emma dropped down and supported Regina in her arms. She looked at Regina concernedly. Regina looked up at her for a second, before Emma broke eye contact.

"Please, Emma look at me. One last time," Regina pleaded. Eyes wide, Emma realized what Regina meant and complied.

Warm chocolate met cool emerald for the final time before they closed. In that moment, Regina saw how remarkably like Snow's eyes Emma's were.

"You don't only have your mother's chin, Emma. You also got her eyes," Regina joked, wanting her parting words to be light instead of heart-wrenching. Emma looked at her with a mixture of sadness and pity; a look that was purely Snow. It was then that she realized she had fallen in love with the daughter of her mortal enemy, one who bore a striking resemblance to her mother, and who would never be able to see the humanity in her and love her back.

As the full weight of how screwed up that was sunk into her, Regina closed her eyes, falling into Emma's arms. The blonde continued to cradle her lifeless body, crying desperately into the beautiful brunette's hair. If only Regina had been able to hold on a little longer, perhaps Emma would have been able to summon up that bravery everyone kept saying she had and told her that despite everything, past and present, she had fallen in love with her.


End file.
